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I dont know how to begin..
Well yesterday was my birthday and it was almost perfect..
Sad thing is that my grandad died a week ago and it has been so hard.. I still cant believe that he is gone..
Birthday... well dont want to speak about it.. bcz in this moment i can't...
But there is another thing because it was almost perfect.. and the fact that i couldnt sleep tonight and that I'm crying now in my bed... I have really needed this sleep.. bcz i have to wake like in 45 minutes to study and it is 6:45 am ... so i've realized that i have to stop loving him.. i have to move on.. bcz im the one who is suffiring.. first he is ignoring me, second I asked him month ago to do something on my birthday.. i know that it is different situation now.. but he couldnt even be here... he sent me a msg first at 00:01.. and i thought it is enough but it wasnt.. i really need him.. and I know its my fault.. but he doesnt care.. he has moved on.. replaced me.. forgotten about me.. and I'm still here crying.. and I cant change a thing..
This post is short bcz I'm not in mood for writing something more... and this post doesnt contain any photo bcz it was written on my phone... but if it had any photo it would have a photo of bleeding heart...

Spring is here..

I'm in that part of my life where I don't know what to do with it.. I'm not intrested in anything, I like staying home, watching series, reading books.. There is school and it is ending soon... and I have to go to further education.. so i'm not studying or anything..
My b-day is coming soon and i'm kinda excited about it but on the other side I'm not... I'm a year older and that's not good...
I'm turning 19 in less than 10 days.. and I know I'm not the same person I was last year or any other year.. I gave up on every important thing in my life... but most of those gave up on me, too.. so i don't have any strength to fight for anything anymore... The person I love the most isn't here with me in any way.. I let go of it.. and he did the same..  we've just gave up on each other..

So spring is my fav season maybe because of my birthday.. or maybe I like weather in spring it's not too hot but it isnt too cold.. it is perfect..

I started watching new series since the last time I spoke about some series I watch... there are new series...
First that became my fav after two episodes watched is Eye-candy on MTV.. than Hit the floor.. second best.. and I can't wait for new episodes in May.. It is on VH1, Than I'm watching Arrow, The Flash, Reign and I'm waiting for new serie to come up on the CW, I've watched How To Get Away With A Murder, I've started Happyland but it was cancelled and many other series.. I'm watching Open heart, Jane the Virgin, Faking it, Once upon a time, Sin Identidad and I'm not sure if I can list everything I watch..

So this is not long post, but i don't know what else to write...
Maybe I should post pics from last SOA party and yeah I totally forgot i have new hair cut so here is the photo with friends. 

I'm fine

The biggest lie ever and the most use is ''I'm fine''.














When someone ask you : How are you? or Are you okay?
They don't even care.. People just want to see you falling... So they will know they are above you..
I learnt that on hard way....
So pretending everything is okay is so hard... You have to smile everyday in front of people so they won't see how broken, sad and tired you are... When you come home you have to act in front of you family and you can't wait to go to bed... You are lying in your bed trying so bad to sleep.. but than everyting comes to you.. it hit you.. so you start crying and wishing you are dead... and you cry yourself to sleep after hours.... you wake up in the middle of the night, after some terrible dream... more like nightmare.. and you started remembering and crying again... so you cant sleep.. but you have to wake up in few hours to study for school and acting that everything is okay..
And person who did it all.. who made you that way.. doesnt seem to care...

You're everything I thought you never were
And nothing like I thought you could have been
But still you live inside of me,
So tell me how is that?

You're the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I love to not forgive
And though you break my heart,
You're the only one

And though there are times when I hate you

'Cause I can't erase

The times that you hurt me and put tears on my face

And even now, while I hate you,

It pains me to say

I know I'll be there at the end of the day

I don't wanna be without you, babe

I don't want a broken heart

Don't wanna take a breath without you, babe

I don't wanna play that part

I know that I love you, but let me just say

I don't wanna love you in no kind of way, no no

I don't want a broken heart

I don't wanna play the broken-hearted girl

No, no, no broken-hearted girl

I'm no broken-hearted girl...